Hi Friends,
This is one question which was always disturbing me from a back corner of my heart.
Have you ever met an old buddy in FB or somewhere after long years and came to know that he is doing very successfully now. Even though you are also having everything great in life now and he did not interfere any way with your life, you feel a sense of defeat, sense of something lost, sense of coming down a bit …. Mm!! then that is exactly what I am talking about!!
This does not mean you are cunning or greedy person. You are not going to pray/do something for his failure from that moment. But something inside you feels bad about other’s success. It happens not only with just remote friends or only at economical victory sense but, you can see it in many emotional aspects of life too like (One parent feels bad about Child talking favor of other parent, One feels bad about spouse spending more time with his/her family, Team member feels bad about manager mentioned his colleague in a appreciation mail .. so on)
If you search its roots, it is coming from an assumption we all were brought up with like “good things are limited in the world”. Starting from school days you were made to feel like “There is only one No. 1 in a class” that means others are defeated somehow. Then during college days only so many placements are coming to campus “so grab yours fast“. Our society does this silently. Many times this is more widespread in very competitive countries like India.
When I was reading The 7 Habits of Highly effective people I see Dr. Covey gave a name for this “Scarcity Mentality “. He goes on like this in the book ..
"The Scarcity Mentality is the zero-sum paradigm of life.
People with a Scarcity Mentality have a very difficult time sharing recognition and credit, power or profit - even with those who help in the production. They also have a very hard time being genuinely happy for the successes of other people - even, and sometimes especially, members of their own family or close friends and associates. It's almost as if something is being taken from them when someone else receives special recognition or windfall gain or has remarkable success or achievement.
Although they may verbally express happiness for others' success, inwardly they are eating their hearts out. Their sense of worth comes from being compared, and someone else's success, to some degree, means their failure. Only so many people can be "A" students; only one person can be "number one". To "win" simply means to "beat."
The Abundance Mentality, on the other hand, flows out of a deep inner sense of personal worth and security. It is the paradigm that there is plenty out there and enough to spare for everybody. It results in sharing of prestige, of recognition, of profits, of decision making. It opens possibilities, options, alternatives and creativity.
The Abundance Mentality takes...personal joy, satisfaction and fulfillment...and turns it outward, appreciating the uniqueness, the inner direction, the proactive nature of others. It recognizes the unlimited possibilities for positive interactive growth and development, creating new Third Alternatives “
He goes on explaining various positive possibilities of abundance mentality and problems created by Scarcity Mentality.
But how can we overcome this mindset? For that we need to recognize and use the space between “Stimulus” and “Response”.
1. Whenever you start having this creepy feelings, Simply stop for a minute and watch your thoughts. Ask yourself one question “How exactly that other person having something great is preventing you from having something great ?“. Almost all times “No way” will be your answer. Then there is nothing to worry about. So move on…
2. Think the person who is better/ has better things as guide, teacher who showed you better possibilities instead of competitor. Take time to be thankful for what god has given you.
If you start practicing this thoughts consciously, you will slowly stop worrying about your scarcity and be focused what you can do it make your life still better!!
Have a great weekend!!
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